IM BACK!!!

Assalamualaikum and sobahul khair!!!


well at last im back
back to write this blog again

i guess too much writing in tumblr nowadays lols.

anyway, 2018 has passed,
many things happened,
from my carrier up to relationship
yeah, relationship that I failed by myself,

keep on rejecting people.
well, just not met the right one yet i bet.

as for my paper, i failed again

ok, enough of my failures,

a lot of achievements as well,
i climbed mount K !!!
ran for 25 km with trail run !!
presented 2 posters during conference etc

The Awakening

Assalamualaikum wbt...

This time
failure makes me think hard about it

More to self reflection
Maybe Allah fails me this time for me to ponder something
Studying these days never easy
I used to be super busy during students time and yet still can make a time for my dakwah and tarbiyah

Hence life would be so much meaningful and berkah

I guess this failure make me leap to do something better in life
Its not all about exam and achieve your carrier
Its also about giving and contributing to ummah
Life after HO shud be more free,more time
I cannot make 1000 excuses saying busy oncall but actually Its possible to squeeze your time for DnT

Allahu
Feeling “no berkah” in life recently
Allah really knocks my heart this time
Ive never cried during the first time
But this time it knocks hard my heart
Knowing I neglect my responsibility as a muslim
Losing my identity
Losing my principle
Losing my emaan and taqwa

Been to dilute
Lost in this dunya
I guess I shud make a big U turn
And turn to Allah
Be His humble servant
Be a caliph and daie as I shud be
And at the same time keep on aiming for my success (read :become a physician for my ummah)

The Decision

Assalamualaikum wbt, ...

Been a while  i havent write in this blog...
Alhamdulilah..im at the end of this tunnel ..my houseman ship trainning..
and its been wonderful for me..though there were dramas here and there..but  I made it through...

Now its all about decision making,..
whether to stay here or leaving..
to choose left or right..

Well , in terms of my carrier, I do love obs and gynae, as it always been my first love...
but my training in this current hospital is not good enough
houseman are not allowed to clerk patient in PAC...thus many things that I were not able to learn...

on the contrary to this, my second love  would be medical ...as medical department in this hospital is pretty awesome...alhamdulilah..I did my medical posting during my 3rd posting..thus quite many procedures I able to do such as, peritoneal tapping, peritoneal dialysis, IJC insertion, long line insertion, and even chest tube insertion...
in which it creates my interest in medical ...
though the workload is sometimes unbearable...huuuu


so my second dilemmas would be my MO ship placement,,,

my first choice would be SABAH..
ok I know most people wouldn't even dare to put Sabah as their choice, well  not even their first,
most people dint even want to go there
but I love challenge,  thus I choose Sabah..
but under certain circumstances, there is someone or something come across it..
in which I have to decide whether to stay in Semenanjung or going to Sabah ..

So many dilemmas...and I hate being an adult.

however, among the top of all my dilemmas..  as being a muslim.. I believe in Istikharah,..
I will just keep on praying to HIM , my  Lord, ..
may HE provide the BEST for me...
yes!!! the answer would be my istikharah...
I have faith in HIM.. that HE will somehow show me the WAY...

and this is part of my TARBIYYAH as well...

and let see what  is waiting for me next..
may Allah ease ..inshaa Allah...

A desert heart

Its been almost 2 years since im becoming a houseman..
To tell u the truth ,i enjoyed it..being a houseman who ur MO and specialist can trust u ,is a bonus
I may have learn something from every posting..
But i keep on losing my foods for my soul..
Not being able to attend all tarbiyah programme,
Not being able to have my own "anak usrah"
And sadly but true ,not being able to read mathurat everyday,reading al quran,
Qiam,and doing dakwah to my colleagues and pt..
And thats very sad..
I can feel the difference..during my time in 1st poster and  now as a 5th poster..
How can this years changing me??!!!
I guess because of my ignorance..not because of my murabbi..
Sometimes, i keep on searching my long lost soul..only bits and pieces left..
When reading al-quran, it tried to feel it..but it wasnt there..
Probably because of my heart is too sick..
I tend to heal my patient ..but in the end I let my soul sick and die as well..
Being  a senior Houseman,makes me think a lot..
What am i gonna do when im becoming a MO later..
Which fields im gonna pursue in..
Though some MO offers me to join their department..but i still have to make a right decision..
*sigh
Though its my carrier decision,being somebody in DnT will always make u think twice for ur DnT pathway as well..

Well , i guess its time for me to wake up from deep sleep,
To get out from this comfort zone,
To avoid all those things which keep me away from HIM ,my Rabb

For some people,i may looks happy..but deep inside i feel empty..
Without dakwah and tarbiyah ,it feels like a desert..empty and lifeless one
DnT always  be my foods,my happiness..
And now i have to open a new chapter..start from scratch..
May Allah ease and bring me  back ..amin

JERITAN HATI

Assalamualaikum wbt and good morning

Alhamdulilah,, just finished my convocation ceremony yesterday..alhamdulilah tsumma alhamdullilah atas nikmat dan rahmat yg ALLAH swt kurniakan pada hambaNya yg kerdil ini. walaupun maksiat dan dosa yg menggunung DIA masih setia memberi nikmat yang tak terhingga...
terima kasih buat mak dan ayah ku yg sering mendoakan buat anaknya ini..ayah yang tak pernah merungut dalam melayan anaknya ini..pergi photostat kat kedai buku malam2, mak yang suka masak sedap2 bagi anaknya makan everytime nk hekzam..and the list goes on...huhu...


okies..thats one chapter in my life already closed..
now.....
moved on to the next one...

MY WORKING LIFE!!!

actually, corresponds to the above title tu nk story psal my woking life..
life as a  HOUSEMAN AND AS A FIRST POSTER...

allahu..air mata dah kering sekarang ni..im at the end of tunnel in surgical posting...
posting yg paling mallignant kt sini.. with high extension rate..

i had my assessment last week...questions quite easy..but im not confident as not much tyme to study and my memory is not as good during my student days...huuuu T_T..

seriusly, after dah banyak drama setelah masok alam pekerjaan ni..at the end of it..hanya ALLAH sahaja tempat kita bergantung dan meluahkan perasaan...memang kita ada kawan untuk mengadu..but its not gonna be the same...

everyday I would advise to my self "awatif, sabar banyak2 k..Allah is always be with me"...
only that self motivations words keeps me in this path...
setiap hari bangun pergi kerja pon rasa x bersemangat..

its not that  i dun love this occupations...Wallahi I LOVE being a doctor...
its the ENVIRONMENT and ur superiors...not encourage me to learn more..i dont know..huuu..
but  deep down i know its part of my weakness as well...i should push my self to the limit where i can learn more..with sooooo many housemanss lately, sgt strong competition ok!!!...

ntahlah...setiap hari selalu doa supaya ALLAH sentiasa murahkan rezeki aku untuk dapat belajar lebih..
and the nk ikhlas tu sgt kuatmujahadah nya...
paling tak best sekali is GOSSIPING is everywhere..
even me myself pon gossip pasal our own  colleagues..oh...buat DOSA lagy...
T_T...environment yg kurang solehah...

kadang2 x mengumpat tp dengar orang mengumpat..so sama jalah kan..hurmmm
macam manalah ALLAH nk tolong kita..

sedarje mengumpat psal orang lain tp masih nak buat..teruk kan..
:(

oklah..thats it...

buat yg membaca post ni..tolong doakan saya istiqamah, sentiasa kuat dan bersabar dan sentiasa dipermudahkan ALLAH dalam segala urusan inshaa ALLAH..

IJAZAH dan RISALAH

Assalamualaikum wbt
Bismillahirahmanirrahim...

Alhamdulilah tsumma alhamdulilah...telah tamat fasa menjadi pelajar perubatan..
dengan segenggam ijazah yang ku pegang kini...aku sedar bahwa lagi besar amanah, tanggungjawab yang bakal ku pegang selepas ini..
lagi besarlah kerja untuk ummat ini dan inshaa Allah lagi besar peluang untuk berbuat dakwah...

Namun...aku jua manusia biasa..yg agak bimbang sebelum menempuhi kehidupan sebagai houseman officer di hospital di bawah KKM (kementerian kesihatan Malaysia)..cabaran nya sungguh hebat katanya...
cuma...ada kebimbangan yg lebih besar  aku takuti..iaitu...

RISALAH yang harus aku sebarkan...aku tak mahu dengan bekerja nanti, diri ini hanyut dengan kesibukan bekerja...sudah banyak kisah yang aku dengar , ikhwah akhwat yg hilang ketika sudah bekerja dan berkeluarga...walaupon..ehem2.. im still single kan..hehe..

Wallahi.. walaupun diri ini masih berkarat jahiliyah..tapi masih ingin berada di jalan dakwah dan tarbiyah ini..masih mahu ligat buat dakwah macam time student (yang sangat ideal gitu)...
diharapkan Allah menemukan aku dengan akhwats yg super ohsem di tempat aku bekerja kelak inshaa Allah..yang dapat menarik aku dan bimbing diri ini di jalan ini..aku mengaku, diri ini tak seqawiyyy macam orang lain..terlalu banyak lompong2 yang perlu diisi...

Moga, dengan menjadi Doktor ini, aku turut berkemampuan menyampaikan dakwah buat para pesakit...
moga, letih macam mana pun, hati masih ikhlas bekerja demi NYA...
moga, semua ini dijadikan bekalan akhirat aku kelak..
amin...

FINAL YEAR SYNDROME

Assalamualaikum wbt and hye,,

Well, looking at the title itself i guess u already know what does it mean ryte...huhu..

now im a final year medical student, with so many things to remember and knowledges/skills to acquired

..it really put me under high pressure...in 5 months time i will graduate soon inshaa Allah...

this is how i feel.. T_T

"He who studies medicine without books sails an uncharted sea, but he who studies medicine without patients does not go to sea at all."-William Osler

by the way, i just passed my observed long case examination...for so long im always in a palpitations mood..

heart beats cant get slower...only relieved by passing my long case exm...alhamdulilah..

but even though i passed the OLC exm, ive been tortured with bombastic questionss first..and seriusly , frankly speakiing im not confident at all to pass the OLC...feeling sooo demotivated..my examiner even told me that 

I'm maybe not going to survive later during Housemanship with soo many competitions out there...i have to stand out...my knowledge cannot be just "cukup2 makan"..its not enough...

i have to read more and see more patients..thats all...so ive promised him (the examiner) that within these last 3 weeks of medicine posting, i will clerk at least one patient per day.. and by then only i can brush up my knowledge...

and may Allah ease this journey...as my aim is not just become a doctor...

the most important thing is being a CALIPH  (2:30) and as a SLAVE OF ALLAH  (51:56)

Becoming a doctor is my TOOL  to achieve my AIMS!!

MUMTAZ UMMAH inshaa Allah :)