The Decision

Assalamualaikum wbt, ...

Been a while  i havent write in this blog...
Alhamdulilah..im at the end of this tunnel ..my houseman ship trainning..
and its been wonderful for me..though there were dramas here and there..but  I made it through...

Now its all about decision making,..
whether to stay here or leaving..
to choose left or right..

Well , in terms of my carrier, I do love obs and gynae, as it always been my first love...
but my training in this current hospital is not good enough
houseman are not allowed to clerk patient in PAC...thus many things that I were not able to learn...

on the contrary to this, my second love  would be medical ...as medical department in this hospital is pretty awesome...alhamdulilah..I did my medical posting during my 3rd posting..thus quite many procedures I able to do such as, peritoneal tapping, peritoneal dialysis, IJC insertion, long line insertion, and even chest tube insertion...
in which it creates my interest in medical ...
though the workload is sometimes unbearable...huuuu


so my second dilemmas would be my MO ship placement,,,

my first choice would be SABAH..
ok I know most people wouldn't even dare to put Sabah as their choice, well  not even their first,
most people dint even want to go there
but I love challenge,  thus I choose Sabah..
but under certain circumstances, there is someone or something come across it..
in which I have to decide whether to stay in Semenanjung or going to Sabah ..

So many dilemmas...and I hate being an adult.

however, among the top of all my dilemmas..  as being a muslim.. I believe in Istikharah,..
I will just keep on praying to HIM , my  Lord, ..
may HE provide the BEST for me...
yes!!! the answer would be my istikharah...
I have faith in HIM.. that HE will somehow show me the WAY...

and this is part of my TARBIYYAH as well...

and let see what  is waiting for me next..
may Allah ease ..inshaa Allah...

A desert heart

Its been almost 2 years since im becoming a houseman..
To tell u the truth ,i enjoyed it..being a houseman who ur MO and specialist can trust u ,is a bonus
I may have learn something from every posting..
But i keep on losing my foods for my soul..
Not being able to attend all tarbiyah programme,
Not being able to have my own "anak usrah"
And sadly but true ,not being able to read mathurat everyday,reading al quran,
Qiam,and doing dakwah to my colleagues and pt..
And thats very sad..
I can feel the difference..during my time in 1st poster and  now as a 5th poster..
How can this years changing me??!!!
I guess because of my ignorance..not because of my murabbi..
Sometimes, i keep on searching my long lost soul..only bits and pieces left..
When reading al-quran, it tried to feel it..but it wasnt there..
Probably because of my heart is too sick..
I tend to heal my patient ..but in the end I let my soul sick and die as well..
Being  a senior Houseman,makes me think a lot..
What am i gonna do when im becoming a MO later..
Which fields im gonna pursue in..
Though some MO offers me to join their department..but i still have to make a right decision..
*sigh
Though its my carrier decision,being somebody in DnT will always make u think twice for ur DnT pathway as well..

Well , i guess its time for me to wake up from deep sleep,
To get out from this comfort zone,
To avoid all those things which keep me away from HIM ,my Rabb

For some people,i may looks happy..but deep inside i feel empty..
Without dakwah and tarbiyah ,it feels like a desert..empty and lifeless one
DnT always  be my foods,my happiness..
And now i have to open a new chapter..start from scratch..
May Allah ease and bring me  back ..amin